Next month, I will be 87, which suggests I will be a step closer to “A closer walk with thee.” (Song embeeded at end.)I like data, so I investigated, given my age and health situation, how much longer I have on God’s green earth, all else being equal.
In elderly patients on dialysis, especially with diabetes, average survival is meaningfully shorter than that of age-matched people without kidney failure. Studies of elderly dialysis patients often show mean survival from dialysis start on the order of 3–4 years, with diabetes and low albumin both associated with higher mortality. Since I have all three, dialysis, diabetes, and low albumin, the handwriting on the wall is for me. In most people, this can lead to fear of dying, which is the wrong approach.
The Best Cure for the Fear of Dying Is to Live
Most of us who spend hours on dialysis each week have had quiet moments staring at the ceiling, thinking about life — and yes, about death. It’s not a topic we choose, but the beeping machines and slow rhythm of treatment invite reflection. Over time, I’ve realized something that may sound simple yet carries immense freedom: the best cure for the fear of dying is to live.
Living doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine or ignoring the limitations that come with dialysis. It means choosing to be present — right here, right now — in the small, authentic moments that make life real. The laughter with a nurse. The comfort of warm sunlight after a treatment. The bite of your favorite meal, even if it comes on a day when your energy is low. These are the moments that define living.
Fear thrives in the future, in the what-ifs we can’t control. Life, though, happens in the now. When I finally started to embrace life as it is — and myself as I am — I began to feel lighter. My body might carry scars and limitations, but my spirit doesn’t have to. I remind myself daily: I am more than my condition. I am still learning, loving, creating, and sharing.
So, if the fear of dying visits you — as it sometimes visits all of us — answer it not with despair, but with life. See a sunrise. Call an old friend. Write down three things you’re grateful for. Every act of living pushes fear back a bit and fills the space with purpose.
Because in the end, the fear of dying fades when we remember how to live.
I choose to live and never ring the bell!
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